Self-Knowledge

Fyodor Tyutchev, a Russian poet, once said: “For society, as well as for an individual, self-knowledge is the first condition of any progress.”
I find that advice interesting coming from the society that preceded one of the most oppressive and deceitful regimes in all of history... But Russia, at the moment, is not part of my point. Today, this particular quotation strikes me because of its commentary on the individual… and, more selfishly, how it relates to me.
After 5 hours of watching the genius products of Joss Whedon and related actors, I started to think about my place in this world. I guess there’s something about seeing beautifully executed art and success achieved by sheer brilliance that makes you wonder whether you have anything to offer at all. But for me, it was less of a question of whether I had anything to offer and more wondering what exactly I’m going to end up doing with myself. When I look at the list of things that I get excited about and the things I involve myself in, it’s a pretty long and varied list. I’m a music performance major with an interest in history, a ruthless critic with an artist’s soul. A logical mind out to solve the mystery of the human condition. It all makes very little sense.
But I guess if it were clear, it wouldn’t be quite as beautiful. After all, what defines us as humans isn’t necessarily our profession.
So maybe… finding the right career isn’t even the point. Perhaps the “progress” that Tyutchev mentioned was referring to something more like spiritual growth, or personal enlightenment. (he was a romantic poet, after all.) And in turn, that growth will inform our life choices because everything will be rooted in a deeper, more existential sense of self.
In other words, not all of us are creators or performers or healers or activists. I think I’d consider myself a little more of a thinker. And that’s probably why I freak out when it comes to actually having to *do* something. For a living. But in a way, it also sort of narrows it down a bit.
Well this was a fun post. It will be interesting to read later. Time for lunch with Megan!